


the hardest part is letting go of your dreams

by labyrinth_lockpick



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life VR but the AI is Self Aware - Fandom
Genre: Benrey for the love of god TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, Black Mesa Sweet Voice, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Sleep Deprivation, and also im scared of being beheld, ao3 is stupid as hell i can't even italicize my own summary, hl fandom if you're seeing this i'm so sorry please carry on, if any tags need to be fixed or added please tell me it is WAY too late for me to do this, my chemical romance title? real shit?, no beta we die like men, short as fuck but don't @ me i have no idea how to write, this is my first real fic like ever so if it sucks you can throw me into a river
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:01:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26299834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/labyrinth_lockpick/pseuds/labyrinth_lockpick
Summary: They had been on the couch together, early on in the night, watching some documentary about deep-sea creatures. But neither of them were really listening. Gordon had taken to side-eyeing Benrey as his eyes started to slowly droop, chin pressed on the pillow hugged close to his chest. His eyelids lowered, lowered, lowered...Until he jolted upright, shaking his head and running a hand under his beanie. The trembling that had begun a few days prior had come back full-swing as murky black bubbles escaped his throat.That's it, Gordon thought. What the hell is going on here?
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 15
Kudos: 235





	the hardest part is letting go of your dreams

**Author's Note:**

> watch my gayed ass hurt benrey in 1080p

Just a week before, Benrey had been progressively getting less and less coordinated. He'd quit playing video games just the other day, complaining about how the screen moved too fast and made him dizzy, (a sign something _wasn't right,_ but a sign Gordon still chose not to acknowledge) and really only watched the TV.  
  


Gordon always thought that he seemed incredibly lethargic after his revival, but there was definitely something _uncharacteristic_ about how little he antagonized him, only mumbling something incoherent and going quiet for another hour or so.  
  


Sometimes, Gordon caught him sipping yet another energy drink. The collection of empty cans on the end table was growing at a worrying degree.  
  
  


They had been on the couch together, early on in the night, watching some documentary about deep-sea creatures. But neither of them were really listening. Gordon had taken to side-eyeing Benrey as his eyes started to slowly droop, chin pressed on the pillow hugged close to his chest. His eyelids lowered, lowered, _lowered...  
  
_

Until he _jolted_ upright, shaking his head and running a hand under his beanie. The trembling that had begun a few days prior had come back full-swing as murky black bubbles escaped his throat.  
  


 _That's it,_ Gordon thought. _What the hell is going on here?  
  
  
_

"Jesus, Benrey, what's your problem? You... scared the hell out of me with that jump there."  
  


"whuh?" Midway through, a yawn cut through the phrase, expelling the last of the Sweet Voice. "fish... mm, fish scary."  
  


"Oh, bullshit. You aren't even watching anymore." Gordon scooted to the middle of the couch, gently turning Benrey's head to look him in the eyes. Benrey, worryingly, didn't even move to push him away. "...You haven't been sleeping."  
  


Benrey's eyes narrowed as he stared back into Gordon's, pupils blown wide like some sort of cat. It actually would have been rather cute, had the situation not been so _wrong._ "yeah i have, bro, i like. sometimes i close my eyes, fuckin'... watch me."  
  


He blinked. A deliberate one, but also somewhat hesitant. Like he didn't trust his eyes to stay open.  
  


"Oh my _god,_ dude. When was the last time you had a nap?"  
  


"uh. august? phone said... 27?" He grinned lazily. "...why?"  
  


He stared, aghast. "It's the fifth. Of September."  
  


"oh, pog? time passed? real shit."  
  


" _Benrey._ " Gordon moved his hand up a little from Benrey's cheek, thumb running under the eye. "I'm not joking man, you look like you'll fucking... fall over if you stand up. Even fucked-up aliens like you can't go _eight whole days_ without sleep."  
  


"wh- bro, shuttup..." Benrey halfheartedly swatted the hand away. "i can... i can fuckin' _stand._ i'll do the whole- the entire fitnessgram pacer test through your whole house and you'll be so embarrassed. check this shit out, feet boy."  
  


He weakly tossed aside his pillow, and with a shaky push, Benrey rose from the couch. He tottered once, twice, and then he was down.  
  


"Oh, shit!" Gordon sprang forward and caught him before his head could hit the floor. "Are you okay? I _told_ you-"  
  


"no, dude, check it out. i'm off the couch... let go of me, i'm gonna do laps around your kitchen or... or something."  
  


Gordon, with a little protesting from Benrey, scooted the both of them back against the sofa. " _Uh,_ no way, buddy. You're going to sleep."  
  


Something flashed behind Benrey's eyes. " _'uh,'_ like _hell!_ " He jeered back, some of the listlessness gone, and tried to push Gordon away.  
  


"Benrey, I'm being serious-!"  
  


"fuck you, man! don't wanna- stupid bad dream time is for losers. can't watch- can't- can't see-" He began to quake harder. " _don't wanna see-_ "  
  


Ah. Nightmares. Of _course._ Gordon was _definitely_ familiar with that.  
  


"Dude, look at me."  
  


"no!" Benrey snapped back, hands going under his beanie again to pull at his hair as more and more of the jet-black Sweet Voice filled the room. "don't make me- i don't wanna see that shit again!"  
  


"I know, dude, just _listen to me!_ " Gordon grabbed his shaking wrists gently and lowered them. Benrey didn't put up much of a fight. "You need to calm down. You're _safe._ "  
  


Benrey's voice wavered. " _i don't..._ "  
  


Gordon pulled him close, taking off the beanie and running his hand through the other's hair. "Nothing can get you here. The apartment is safe. I'm here. Joshie's at his mom's house. Coomer and Bubby are asleep in their bed. Tommy is safe in his house, with Sunkist and his father."  
  


Benrey's breathing began to slow, though still a little shallow. With a low whine, he finally laid himself against Gordon's front. "don't make me... _don't let me see you die again..._ _please..._ "  
  


He stilled, just for a moment, before continuing to stroke Benrey's hair. "You won't. I'll make sure of it. Nothing is going to hurt us anymore."  
  


Benrey went quiet. As he processed the other's words, his arms slowly moved to return the embrace. "...promise?"  
  


Gordon nodded, burying his face into Benrey's messy hair. "Promise."  
  


"then, maybe... i'll jus'..." Benrey trailed off, his grip on Gordon going slack as he drifted off. His slowed breaths humming out a trail of glowing orbs.

 _  
Orange to blue,_ Gordon mused. _What could that possibly mean?_

**Author's Note:**

> murky black like ink from a pen means i can't let this happen again
> 
> and y'all already KNOW that last one


End file.
